Miracle…

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“…And airplanes, huge heavy structures carrying hundreds of people, yeah, that’s something I can’t wrap my head around. Seriously, that’s a miracle.”

So true!! I can’t even remember who made the comment during a conversation within the last few months, but it’s totally stuck with me. And, during this time, navigating a new professional role, a leadership position where I’m in charge, or more aptly put, ultimately responsible, the idea has become my lifeline, and in some ways, if I’m really self-aware, a personal mini-miracle itself. 

It really developed for me after the conversation, one day as I was sitting at my desk in a Zoom meeting. New jobs can be stressful, mostly because of the “new.” New culture and dynamics, new systems and administrative processes to understand, new contracts, new people and personalities, new learning curves… a lot of unfamiliar and unknowns that lend to insecurity and unsettledness. Even the brightest, most creative, and confident (none of which I claim) are susceptible to WTF moments of “What did I get myself into?”  And, during this particular virtual meeting one day, that’s where I was at… chaos spinning on my computer screen, emanating out, sucking me in, infecting my surety and calm. I became conscious of it and made a split-second decision to disconnect, deliberately yet subtly, shifting my attention from computer mayhem to peace outside my window right above the screen. I happen to live within an airport flight pattern, and as I looked out at blooming trees and a vast blue sky, a big plane went across the sky right above the trees, close enough that I could read the airlines… Wow…Check that out. It really is a miracle … if people can do planes, there’s something way bigger than me to tap into … I got this – no – WE got this.

More recently, I was a peripheral participant in a conversation about the Wright brothers, the inventors of the airplane, that reinforced that insight further. I’m not really that knowledgeable or into history, so I sat quietly. I was moved to hear about how long they spent at it, their persistence and determination over years and years… and, as I reflected after, by how their achievement had evolved, in such a short time, into something so much bigger and grander than they could have ever desired, or even fathomed. What a miracle, where it’s all come today, so far that the wonder’s worn off, huge jets we just take for granted, even lately dreading it all… amazing really!

So, planes have become my confidence-boosting go-to. When I see them, I chuckle in my head and know anything is possible, and that I too have the wind of the power that created the universe at my back. Most mornings (if it’s sunny) after my regular meditation routine, I look up at the sky, and when it’s there, always stop and acknowledge a plane contrail, a long white exhaust streak way high up in the same place each day (owing to another flight pattern). When it’s there, it drives home the connection I’ve made in meditation, that awareness and the certain power that comes knowing that bigger than me is possible, and I’m not in this alone. If I happen to notice one looking out during a Zoom meeting (and now just birds flying by too. Really, how does that happen?) I’m reminded and actually intuit that success in my new role (and really anything) is possible, even if it’s unsure and not quite all clear at the moment.

But, the last two weeks were intense, and even meditating and plane/birdwatching were not enough to ameliorate the overwhelm and weakness I felt experiencing two recent close deaths, complex work issues from every direction involving legalese above my understanding, planning for work travel and my first public presentation at a large state conference among a huge but cohesive network I’m not quite part of yet, piled on family responsibility, another trip to be planned – flights, car, hotel – medical appointments and the associated complicating and time consuming stressors, house issues … and, quite frankly and concretely, the kitchen sink! … When I sat this past early Tuesday morning in my regular meditation routine, quiet and comfort were hard to come by, and when the 15 minute timer sounded, before I even opened my eyes, I was aware of everything I just listed above waiting for me… and already tired and defeated…

I opened my eyes resignedly and looked up at the sky, seeking hope, or at least solace, in my friendly flight path … and miracle of miracles, there were white airplane streaks everywhere … some thicker, some fresher, higher and lower, crossing over each other, perpendicular, parallel and tangential… nothing I’d ever seen over weeks of deliberately observing, no explanation, just miracles intersecting miracles… 

Of course, when I got down to the kitchen sink, it was all the same, in fact, piled higher than what I’d left the night before… But I wasn’t … and they got done quickly and effortlessly with a positive energy and without resentment. … The trip and the presentation happened with confidence and success. Appointments have all been made and all logistics sorted. I’ve even taken the time to be present in my grief and connect with the now eternal love I’ve lost. … I – no WE – got this. … (We’re really not in this alone.)

… And today I’ll board a plane for another trip. … Wow! What a miracle!

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Speaking of airplanes, did you miss last weeks Co-Pilot post?
Check it out here!

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