Letting Go…

This week, I found myself engaged in a very unexpected and inspiring text exchange. It started Wednesday, accompanied by a picture of my book on a couch in front of a big roaring fireplace….

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I can’t put it down.

I understand now there was a reason I showed up this past weekend. 

You know what? I’ve had a really intense day at work. I’m in between jobs and doing both and today it’s really hit me. ..And I just heard my phone ding and was like, “what more could anyone want of me” and instead I got this affirming and heartwarming text. 
…. I don’t remember anything about our interactions in college. I just remember that I LOVED you. 

I look forward to figuring out why!💜

Last weekend, I attended a college basketball reunion. One amazing overnight of powerful and poignant interactions which could take up weeks of posts, though, unfortunately, I was admonished on the ride home by my 6’ plus driver that she did not want to read any of it in my blog. The texts above, however, were follow up from someone I’ve not seen since she graduated at the end of my freshman year, almost 35 years ago (yikes), and the conversation progressed all week. Some highlights.…

Friday:

I’m about halfway through your book and I have so many questions

you can ask

Did you get a lot of backlash when you described saying goodbye to Adam in the ER?

No. About the Mary thing or the gratitude?

Gratitude

Did you feel the Holy Spirit present when you said goodbye to him?

No. I never got any pushback. It really happened. It stunned me in the moment. I knew how bad it was but all I felt was incredible love and gratitude and even joy in a strange way. I was so grateful for him. I saw so much of his life in flashes and it was so beautiful 

Holy Spirit – no. Nothing.

It was not me at all. It completely overcame me. In fact I knew it was bad and those feelings were very unexpected and felt weird if wonderful 

(Perhaps I missed a Holy Spirit in that…)

Wow. What a gift

God is very Good. That’s what I’ve come to understand 

You probably have to go to work. We can discuss this tonight because I had to cancel our dinner plans because my husband’s sick.

The dialogue’s continued all week, including phone calls when the texts got too lengthy. Not only has it been fulfilling for me as an author to be in a realtime exchange as someone is experiencing my writing, but as I scroll back through our texts, I’m amazed by how much we’ve learned about each other in such a short time, and the intimacy of our exchange. Life can be pretty amazing and unexpected that way. 

Yesterday:

Your book
I did get to the part about the Hail Mary prayer when blessing Adam. 

So powerful and so beautifully written. We’re gonna have to talk about that too. ❤️

It just happened. Those first 24 hours just happened to me. There was very little I led.
Somehow I was just carried. And it actually was pretty beautiful in consideration of the circumstances. 

That’s a lesson in itself. 

Exactly. That’s what I’ve been thinking/praying about.

Wow. I wasn’t gonna do my blog this week but I think it just happened. Sh–. That’s powerful 

Powerful Indeed. “Let go and let God.” We’ve heard the expression (or seen it on bumper stickers). … And in those initial hours after Adam died, I guess that’s what happened, not through my conscious choice, but as a default, in the shock, trauma, and my complete powerlessness. And, as I’ve developed as a writer, it’s been my rule to never let it become an obligation, to write only when I’m inspired with something meaningful. And this week, after so much intensity in the work/life balance, I didn’t push … I let go… and it got written anyway! 

Maybe life wasn’t meant to be so much work, so hard, or an independent expedition… Maybe I don’t really need to go it alone, and I’m actually not, despite what my practical circumstances seem. How much do I underestimate – and even underutilize – right here for ME and accessible always? LOVE – powerful enough to bring real Joy into the worst nightmare any person can fathom… Powerful enough, when I’m fried, to write my blog for me … How much more could I accomplish in the ease of letting go? 

Do we really need to walk solo when Love’s ready to carry? 

Do we need to push forward with the wind of Source at our back?

… Or just rein all that LOVE right into it all!

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