Tuned in

“There is only one perpetrator of evil on this planet: human unconsciousness”

The quote above really resonated for me the other night as I read it. So much that I closed the book and just lay in my bed reflecting on it before turning off the light. What a powerful insight, how much human cruelty, and subsequent suffering comes from human minds running without intelligent attention, no one stopping, observing, saying “wait, hey, wait a second,” egos running the planet unchecked…  I’m currently reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, and highly recommend it for anyone trying to live a happier life. I’m a big Eckhart fan, and attribute much of my healing after my son Adam’s loss to insights I got from his first book, The Power of Now. I wrote about it in my book, Not to Spoil the Ending… but everything is going to be ok, even quoted him, and likely owe some of the perspectives I shared in my own finished product to his inspiring wisdom.

The following morning, after falling off to sleep with that quote above in my head, I was in the shower when it came to mind again, and I became cognizant of the fact that I was standing there half asleep and brushing my teeth with a script playing undetected in my head. I stopped myself. How weird, I thought, to be replaying such a minor drama from months ago that I had thought I was over… Clearly not, I noted. But now that I was aware, in that same split second, I rolled my eyes, chuckled, forgave the behavior in myself, and sent my positive prayerful energy to the other person involved. Now it was really over. 

As I showered, I continued to observe my mind’s activity. … As I stood there passively, water running down on me, my electric toothbrush doing its work, there was also this tired, woeful, “wish I was still in bed,” attitude running in the background. I realized I didn’t even remember getting out of bed and had gone through the motions from alarm, to standing, to undress, to shower in this “poor me” headspace of which I was completely unaware. I stopped myself again, and this time looked up… 

“Good morning! Thank you for this warm shower and the way this DIY coconut oil concoction moisturizes and wakes up my skin! Thank you for my new phone with a microphone that now works. Thank you for the half and half in my fridge that will be so good in my coffee. Thank you for his new job, the reason I’m here in the shower earlier than normal, in order to take him to the train.” 

Life actually seemed pretty good when I stopped to notice, not really “poor me” much at all.

I got back from my son’s train drop off by 7:05. I indulged myself in the coffee (with half and half), savored the few minutes alone, and as I enjoyed it I even noticed the feeling of my smile. At 7:25 I looked at the clock again. My youngest son Jude’s alarm would go off in five minutes. I felt a twinge of an actual chuckle, and deciding to “go there,” I discovered a happy “Wow I love him” vibe inside me. It was deep in a spot that I’d never noticed before, percolating out from underneath where the stifling, heavy, and distracting frequency of the intense morning hustle would normally be. And it was truly amazing what else I found there, that I was actually excited for him to get up! (Perhaps that was the most powerful testament to this sort of awareness, considering the typical effort to get him moving) … By the time we got in the car, I was sitting next to, and could not help but turn to look over at, the greatest gift life could offer (as opposed to the worry in the seat next to me who needs to learn responsibility and respect, which is the other morning perspective that’s been experienced in the same car next to the same person) … And as we drove to school we talked; and completely unprompted, he actually happened to mention something he was really grateful for. I was stunned. Could my energy have somehow been contagious??

And believe it or not, I’ve woken up ready to go before the alarm every other day this week.